So I want to begin a daily routine of writing down something God has taught me throughout the day.  We'll see how long this lasts, but it's worth a shot!
Recently I've felt as though I'm in a bit of a funk.  Probably because I'm on my period, but putting that aside, I'm not feeling "connected" to the girls around me... the whole "lost in a crowed" type of thing.  But just a few days ago, I felt as though I was on top of the world relationship-wise.  I felt love for all the people around me and displayed it to them.  I felt social and vivacious.  now i'm feeling quite the opposite.  (writing this out makes it even clearer that it's mood-swings and menstrual-cycle related, but that doesn't make the feeling go away, and God is still teaching me through it.)
One thing that i've felt burdened on my heart this past week involves the girls on my floor.  the fact that we won't be living together anymore in just a few months finally hit home, and i've been scrambling trying to build up the relationships that began last semester, but stalled there.  i've especially wanted to build up my relationship with hennessy.  she is such a strong woman of God, and she is so uplifting.  but she seems to be going through a sort of "funk" herself, and isn't interested in building up our relationship, even though she always had been (at least before her spring break missions trip).  for instance, tonight i was bored and lonely, so i went to her room.  she had her three closest friends (including my cousin!) in her room and i plopped on the couch.  but they just didn't seem interested in talking to me (besides my wonderful cousin, Andrea) and just talked about aspects of their lives that i'm not apart of (as in boys and crushes that i don't know about and don't feel close enough to ask about). this is totally understandable, but it made me feel more lonely and awkward, so i ended up leaving.  but you know what, God was teaching me something.  while i was still in their room, Lily walked up to talk.  they didn't really include her, but i didn't either!  me and lily were clearly the odd ones out, but instead of talking to lily, i kept trying to enter into hennessy and friends' world.  i failed to recognize that they have their friends. not that that doesn't mean they dont want to be my friend, but they have a strong core group and they don't particularly need my investment.  lily and heather have been slower in the making of friends.  but i know they long for more friends, especially lily.  and i need to be there for her.
God showed me today that part of my mission on earth is to befriend the lonely.  to talk to those who dont have anyone.  to make myself present and available for the least of these.  at school, this means the men and women who aren't "cool".  who aren't eloquent with their words or good at making friends.  this means the people who don't experience love and acceptance by any particular crowds.  this is something i understood as important back in high school, but i seem to have forgotten over the course of college.  i've gotten into my own friend groups, which made me forget that loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human.  God has given me a taste of it, and i long to spread love and acceptance to those who are still experiencing it daily.  for instance, the nursing home across the street.  can you imagine sitting in a nursing home all day with very few people to talk to?  God has called me to reach out to these lonely old men and women, these widows and widowers.  He has called me to comfort them in their last days.  and who knows, maybe He's also called them to pour into me and teach me a little about Himself, too.  God has put it all into place: now He's waiting to see if I'll make the next move.

Oh dearest father, thank you for friends like hope.  thank you for giving me her to talk to and process throug what you are and have been teaching me.  thank you so much!!  you are so wonderful in giving us community to grow in and to keep from getting too caught up in ourselves.  if i didnt have others to talk to about You, then i know i would become self-concerned and bigoted.  i wouldnt care for others ideas, just my own.  yet, in all your grace and mercy, you extend to us a community in which we can trhive.!  lord, please help hope as she processes through what she's learned in india.  lord, what a trip.  what a tranatizing shock to see such poverty.  of my lord, please lead hope in the way you wish her to go.  help her to be able to unpack her mental baggage with her friends, and help her friends (including myself) to know how to help her.  give us ears to listen and a tongue of peace and love.  help us to get over any selfish ideas of gain and minister to her in the way she needs us to.  lord, i pray for guidance in my own life.  lead me in your way, my lord!  i don't know where you want me... at sau, or at another school, or doing something different!  what i do know is i feel antsy.  i need to do something more for you... but what is it?  what do you desire of me, oh god, my lord Jesus christ?  please lead me in that.  give me the strength to overcome the battles, the temptation of laziness.  great are you lord.  (also, please help haley on the exam she's working on.  give her knowledge and the ability to recollect everything she studied.  thank you for helping me on my exam.  we love you.)  lord, i praise you for what you have taught us all in speech class.  thank you for giving me those people to grow with.  help us to continue to grow together, if such relationships are profitable for your kingdom.  lord, help me to love others.  to make them feel special when i see them.  lord, sometimes just a loving pat or smile or hello can be so special.  i know this because i've experienced it from other people doing that to me.  lord, help me to be willing to put myself out there and smile, say hello lovingly, and give them a gentle squeeze.  and not just to some people, but to all.  lord i pray for danielle.  she... needs you, oh lord.  use me as much as i can be in her life.  i offer myself to you, jesus, as a vessel.  use my life to impact hers, as i feel you drawing me to her.  oh, how i long for her to feel love and undeniable acceptance.  father, she isnt easy for any of us to get along with, so i pray for patience.  strengthen me under your Spirit.  that i may have a true and pure of heart love for her.  she needs it jsut as much as i need it.

1.6.15 (Future Husband?)

God, I don't know if I ever want to get married.  Actually, I think I do.  I think... I want to get married.  Someday.  But Father, I look at your calling, that we should leave all of our possessions behind for you and sacrifice relationships if need be, but how hard that would be as a married woman!  Right now it's so easy to say that I'll give all my extra money to you after I graduate.  It's easy to say I'll be a giving person, sacrificing the American "good-life" to live inexpensively in a small house so that I can give more to help the poor.  It's so easy to say now, but I know it'll be harder to do when that day comes.  A LOT harder.  And having a husband and family will only make it harder.  But I am a woman.  And as a woman, I desire relationship and love and attention from a man -- special attention.  But I want to live entirely for YOU!  Oh Jesus... precious Jesus, MY Jesus...

God, You can do anything.  You can work through anything.  You are a merciful wonderful God who listens to the prayers of His people.  Thus, I want to lift up this request to You, Lord.  I don't know what's best for me.  I have no idea.  Infinitely wise Father, lead me in the path You know would be best for Your glory, for Your purpose.  You fulfill me in a way no husband ever could.  (Continue to fill me more that way.)  Lord, if Your plan for my life is that of singleness, I gladly accept that.  As Paul said, You can use me in many unique ways as a single woman.  However, if this is Your plan, I pray for support.  Lord, surround me during my singleness (whether it ends in marriage or not) with Your Family.  Father, I ask for friends that can fulfill the need for deep, intentional relationship.  I know that You have already given me that for this stage in my life.  I have unbelievable friends who I can rely on forever.  For as long as I stay single, I beg of you, provide relationships that will hold me up in Your will.  Relationships that will support and push me to be a better Christian every day.  I trust in You, oh Jesus, for you Yourself found support and encouragement in a body of friends and brothers.  I ask for similar support, my God.  I am not extraordinarily good at making friends fast, so I pray all the more for Your divine assistance.

But, God, if a special man ever does enter my life, I pray that he is of a character that is more in love with You than he is with me.  God, these things I request, for I know You are a faithful God who hears our prayers.
A man who:
1. Loves You more than me
2. Cares for the poor and is willing to make sacrifices to follow our calling to help them
3. Loves me and can put up with my selfish, prideful ways, but at the same time can patiently help keep me accountable and to grow out of them.
4. Is willing to walk and grow in our faith together
5. Is bold enough to invite a stranger into our home (for Your glory, of course)
6. Loves to laugh
7. Loves people
8. I can be comfortable with
9. Isn't struggling with all the same things I am, so he can be an example for me to follow
10. Loves my personality more than my body (or hair :P)

To the glory of the Father; the honor forever to the Son; in all wisdom of the Spirit; Amen.