So I want to begin a daily routine of writing down something God has taught me throughout the day.  We'll see how long this lasts, but it's worth a shot!
Recently I've felt as though I'm in a bit of a funk.  Probably because I'm on my period, but putting that aside, I'm not feeling "connected" to the girls around me... the whole "lost in a crowed" type of thing.  But just a few days ago, I felt as though I was on top of the world relationship-wise.  I felt love for all the people around me and displayed it to them.  I felt social and vivacious.  now i'm feeling quite the opposite.  (writing this out makes it even clearer that it's mood-swings and menstrual-cycle related, but that doesn't make the feeling go away, and God is still teaching me through it.)
One thing that i've felt burdened on my heart this past week involves the girls on my floor.  the fact that we won't be living together anymore in just a few months finally hit home, and i've been scrambling trying to build up the relationships that began last semester, but stalled there.  i've especially wanted to build up my relationship with hennessy.  she is such a strong woman of God, and she is so uplifting.  but she seems to be going through a sort of "funk" herself, and isn't interested in building up our relationship, even though she always had been (at least before her spring break missions trip).  for instance, tonight i was bored and lonely, so i went to her room.  she had her three closest friends (including my cousin!) in her room and i plopped on the couch.  but they just didn't seem interested in talking to me (besides my wonderful cousin, Andrea) and just talked about aspects of their lives that i'm not apart of (as in boys and crushes that i don't know about and don't feel close enough to ask about). this is totally understandable, but it made me feel more lonely and awkward, so i ended up leaving.  but you know what, God was teaching me something.  while i was still in their room, Lily walked up to talk.  they didn't really include her, but i didn't either!  me and lily were clearly the odd ones out, but instead of talking to lily, i kept trying to enter into hennessy and friends' world.  i failed to recognize that they have their friends. not that that doesn't mean they dont want to be my friend, but they have a strong core group and they don't particularly need my investment.  lily and heather have been slower in the making of friends.  but i know they long for more friends, especially lily.  and i need to be there for her.
God showed me today that part of my mission on earth is to befriend the lonely.  to talk to those who dont have anyone.  to make myself present and available for the least of these.  at school, this means the men and women who aren't "cool".  who aren't eloquent with their words or good at making friends.  this means the people who don't experience love and acceptance by any particular crowds.  this is something i understood as important back in high school, but i seem to have forgotten over the course of college.  i've gotten into my own friend groups, which made me forget that loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human.  God has given me a taste of it, and i long to spread love and acceptance to those who are still experiencing it daily.  for instance, the nursing home across the street.  can you imagine sitting in a nursing home all day with very few people to talk to?  God has called me to reach out to these lonely old men and women, these widows and widowers.  He has called me to comfort them in their last days.  and who knows, maybe He's also called them to pour into me and teach me a little about Himself, too.  God has put it all into place: now He's waiting to see if I'll make the next move.