Dear Father in Heaven,
you are so good to me! beyond amazing. today has not been a great day -- nor all of January, for that matter. I've been lonely, homesick, and slightly depressed. I really shouldn't be. this school you've brought me to is amazing -- it's providing me with amazing professors who love You and their students and are passionate about what they teach. it's so inspiring. I even have my best friend from high school here as well as a new best friend -- Haley. you have answered my prayers, Lord. all those years of praying for a best friend I could love and have fun with, and you've provided one for me, God. I had pretty much given up on that prayer, but you are faithful and ever true.
anyway, back to my depression/loneliness/homesickness. God, j-term is not my favorite. haha, but you have made it good. thank you. thank you for revealing yourself to me through this new testament class. I've grown to be so much more knowledgeable in your Word. doing the Daniel fast was NOT easy, but you were so worth it. thank you for showing me your voice through this. may I always recognize your Spirit's promptings. you are magnificent, Lord!!!!! i'm going to tell today's story just so that I have record of it here:
okay, so this j-term, since the first week of classes, I've been doing the 'Daniel fast' -- a partial fast that only lets me drink water and eat fruits, veggies, and a couple of other healthy stuff -- not exactly the most tasty food. it excludes anything rich or fatty. now, i'm a huge foodie, so not being able to eat deserts or meat or even have milk with my cereal was pretty hard. but it was really a time for me to focus on God and prove to him (and myself!) that he's more important than any food. it's been two weeks now, and before I was always really careful with what I let myself eat, feeling (what I think was) the Spirit warning me not to eat certain foods. however, today I suddenly felt as though my time of fasting had come to an end. the thought of eating foods I wasn't supposed to didn't make me recoil like it did before. during those two weeks, I didn't even let the thought of eating French fries or bread enter my head, but today I did and I felt peace about it, as though God was saying that it was okay. I wasn't sure about it, so I just grabbed my usual salad. after eating it, I still felt hungry. I looked up and there were the cereals -- just taunting me. I didn't feel like dry cereal, but I thought it would look funny eating dry cereal (since I was with a bunch of girls I don't normally eat with). I just prayed "...is it okay, God?" and felt no repulsion against having milk with it. I told the girls I was going to get some more to eat, and got up. normally, my mind would've been spinning in the knowledge that I was about to sin against God, but I just felt peace about it. I walked over, grabbed a bowl, and filled it with frosted mini wheats -- and filled the bowl with milk. as the precious white liquid piled up, I didn't feel the anxious guilt I expected. peace remained in me. so I sat back down and ate it. again, no guilt. I was amazed by my God's ability to communicate his will to me using his Spirit! I've never been good at listening to the Spirit, and I suppose i'm still not, but God is just so good at speaking to us!! thank you Lord! Thank you! oh how I've prayed to be able to recognize your voice, and you have helped me today. Praise be to the Almighty King of kings, Lord of lords.
anyway, i'm not quite done with my story. after I finished my cereal, the girls I was eating with decided to leave so that they could do some homework. it was really weird for me, because we had only been there maybe 10 minutes. i had been thinking of getting chocolate milk, just because i can ( :) ) but everyone was leaving, and i didn't want to sit there by myself! so as i was going to get rid of my dirty dishes, I grabbed a glass and filled it halfway with chocolate milk. I chugged that sucker as i put my dishes away! BAD idea! you know how drinking milk too fast upsets your stomach? yeahh... that happened. but it made me just laugh! I had been feeling lonely at dinner, but downing that glass of milk and upsetting my stomach a little was like a little joke between me and God! I shouldn't have grabbed that milk and drank it like that -- it wasn't right 'celebrating' as i did that my fast was over. besides that, it was just foolish. oh how it made me feel better! to laugh with God is a marvelous thing. O marvelous Creator! Great are Thou!
God, thank you for correcting me is such a loving way. you are truly remarkable. you've given me so many talents, and please teach me how to use them effectively for you. help me to grow to recognize my strengths and weaknesses, and help me to be humble enough to admit them in order to help your church and the gospel to spread. teach me to love people as YOU do, God, and to love you more than anything.
to you be the glory and honor forever, amen!
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