1/29/14 (Day before Spring Semester)

oh dear God,
tomorrow is the first day of spring semester.  I am gonna die.  i'm so nervous, God.  I feel like i'm gonna fail!  but i know you're here with me.  God, please reassure me and HELP ME!  I can't do it without you.  ESPECIALLY chemistry and botany.  Lord, i have sosososososos many labs.  i don't know how i'm going to find the time to do homework!!  please help me to maximize the time i do have and study efficiently and effectively.  Oh Lord, help me please.  i know i complained about people thinking i'm smarter than i really am, but i was being so foolish.  Lord, I'm just thankful that you made me so successful last semester.  i'm upset that they're giving ME the glory.  You deserve it allll.  oh Jesus, faithful savvior.  great are you.  help me to remember that you are greater than all.  even when i'm lonely and afraid, you are there.  you are more than enough for me.  Jesus, help me through this semester.  i'm holding on to you.  there's no way i can do it on my own.  not with this schedule.  Jesus, walk with me.  may i walk with you?  will you lead me in your path?  we always ask you to come with us, but Lord, we should be asking if we can go with you!  Holy Spirit, please guide me.  i am unworthy of you, Jesus, yet you invite me in anyway.  build my trust in you through this semester.  heck, if i make it through tomorrow, then my trust in you will be greater!
God, i'm afraid to go to my chem lab tomorrow.  i don't know who will want to be my lab partner.  i'm afraid someone i can't count on will, or that no one will!  please guide me (and the other person) to find a lab partner who i will work well with and learn a lot with.  help me to be a good lab partner to whoever you chose.  help us to build each other up and learn through each other.  help me and my partner to learn how to be good chemists.
And Jesus, be with me during my EDU140 class.  help it to go really well.  help me to bond with the other students (same with my chem lab!!) and to grow lasting relationships.  help me to form a good relationship with my professor, too.  may i help him learn how to teach better, and may you use me to fit the needs of the other students, as well.  use me, God, in the lives of the fellow students (and staff) here.
finally, God, i want to mention Katie's Bible study lesson today.  God, I really am discontented with myself.  i take everything you've given me -- my body, my mind, my personality and relationships -- totally for granted.  help me to be content with everything you've placed in my life -- even myself.  teach me to just enjoy what i have and not care too much about what others have.  i often covet other personalities, and not only is it sinful, but it's harmful to me and wrong.  it's like a slap in your face, and i'm sorry, God.  forgive me and help me to enjoy how you've made me.
to you be the glory and honor forever, Lord Jesus.  AMen.

God, help me to get over this "jealousy monster".  half of me doesn't want to get over it, just get revenge.  but I know that that wouldn't help, but just deepen the problem, hurt feelings, and make everything a lot worse.  but God, ...........I need help!!!!!  I am in trouble.  there's something inside me that just doesn't want to forgive or forget what happened, and it really isn't that big of a deal, anyway, otherwise i'd just confront Haley and tell her.  but I feel like I can't because it's kinda stupid.  are my hormonal levels off-balance?  cause I feel like that must be the problem.  well, either way, help me to treat Haley and her sister (and Justine) as kindly as ever and to be the best friend I can be.  enter me holy spirit and help me.  I have been feeling enormously rebellious, so help me to get over that, too, God.  HELP.  SOS.  my rebellion suffocates me.

1.27.14

dear God,
thank you for the blue sky.  especially for the sun.  your works are so beautiful!  more beautiful that i could ever have done -- or anyone else.  thank you for your help.  thank you for giving us this world.  it's so beautiful, God.  If it's this gorgeous after the fall, i can't wait to see it when it's fully restored!  great is your name, oh Father; majesty and glory belong to you.  "Praise the Lord, all nations!  glorify Him, all peoples!  for His faithful love to us is great; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever.  Hallelujah!" (ps. 117).  your love endures forever.
Forgive me, God, for all of the times i've sinned against you.  i'm sorry for being so selfish all the time.  help me to think of others and your will before thoughts of myself even enter my head.  forgive me for my vanity.  and also for the times i call myself ugly.  i'm sorry for all of the things i have done that are against you and are wrong.
Lord Jesus, Son of God, you died for me on the cross and were then raised up on the third day.  How miraculous!  how marvelous!  that you, such a perfect, humble, kind Son of God would be killed in such a way as you were!  yet we just throw it around.  Jesus died on the cross -- His hands were pierced for our transgressions.  but you did more than just die, and your hands weren't just pierced!!  you were humiliated, spat on, hated, deserted, and tortured.  And, while i don't know this for sure, you may have even entered hell for us!  how?  how could you be willing to do this?  how were you so strong?  if my dad asked me to do that, then i would cry because he didn't love me enough and say no!  it just shows how much better than me you are, Jesus.  WAY better.  WAY more worthy of my life!  you died so that i wouldn't have to.  in my baptism, i dipped under the water, symbolizing the death of my sin, and came out into new life.  you were literally killed.  you supplied the death of my sin.  how can you be so good!?  oh Great God, Slaughtered Lamb of God, Lord of lords, King of kings, Jesus take my life.  you deserve it.
God, keep comforting Bryce's family.  what a hard time to go through.  keep them in the knowledge that she's much happier now.  help them to move on from this into a happier life, full of joy in the knowledge that they won't be separated from her for long.  God, help us all during finals this week.  help us to be well prepared and ready for the exam(s).  I pray specifically for Sarah Y.  help her to grow in a tight relationship with you and to thus stop caring what others think about her.  grow her self-confidence and help her to adjust smoothly into this next semester.  thank you, God, for giving her this chance with wellspring!  help her to make close friendships through that, and help her to catch on quickly and enjoy it.  Keep her safe and healthy as we end j-term and begin a new semester.  I also lift up Olivia.  Comfort her and her family in this recent passing of her grandpa.  help her to finish off the semester strong and get into a good routine for next semester.  keep her healthy and safe, oh Lord.
Oh Jesus, help me to get rid of this cold fast.  please keep in from getting worse.  give me energy, Holy Spirit, to work today for the glory of your name.  i don't know if it's this oncoming cold, lack of vitamin D/C, or what, but i've been so tired lately!  please help me to have energy today to have fun and do the work i need to.  equip me with humility, Lord.  i've found that this past week i've felt as though i'm better than other christians just because i know the bible really well from REL218.  it's terrible, i know!  forgive me, God, and help me with the Holy Spirit to know that i have no room to boast.  it's foolish, since one of the things i know a lot about now is that we are saved through faith in Jesus so that we CANNOT BOAST!  help!  i'm a sinner who can hardly keep her pride at bay, even with realizations such as these!  equip me, also, with tender love for others.  help me to see the gifts you've given others, and to enjoy them for those gifts rather than be annoyed by their downfalls.  as pastor bourke said once, we all have a couple of things we're good at, and we're terrible at everything else!  that's why you made us for community, isn't it?  so that we can fill and support the gaps.  finally, Jesus, equip me with the Holy Spirit.  fill me to the brim with your loving Power, and guide me throughout the day.  forgive me for the resistance that i know will come from me.  help me to knock down those sinful walls between You and me.  may your Spirit guide me throughout this upcoming semester.  help me to find good balance, Lord!  help me and Haley to form a wider study group that will help us all to excel in our chemistry and botany classes.  help me to help others, Lord.  if i understand something that others don't, give me the words to explain it to them, so that they may understand it to the degree or even better than i do.  help me in grasping concepts so that i can help others in this way.  it would be great practice for when i become a teacher.  :)  i cannot thank you enough for the help you gave me last semester. a 4.0!!  only YOU could have helped me accomplish that!!  i don't expect it to stay around -- and I know it won't without your help -- but i do pray for help this semester.  expand my (and Haley's) brain power for memorization and grasping concepts.  be with us during lab times, too.  i'm so worried for them.  but i shouldn't be.  you'll be right there with us.  i pray for your guidance and peace during those classes.  use this next semester to equip me for my future job -- whether it's teaching, something health related, or lab work, or anything else.  To you be the praise, glory, and honor forever and ever!!!!!

AMEN!

1/26/14

Dear God,

thank you for everything.  thank you for getting me back to school safe, and thank you sososo much that I got to go home!  it was so much fun, and thank you for the good times I had at home with my family.  please help me at school to find a "family".  please help me to make more friends.  more GOOD friends.  I know I have Haley, but she'll be gone after junior year.  I know I have Kelly, but... I need more than just that.  please help me to form some other deep relationships within the science field.  o God, teach me how to deal with people.  I feel like I get so tired when I spend time with people.  I didn't used to be this way... please help me to be able to talk and get to know people faster.  help me to be able to have more fun with others and not to care what others think.  help me to grow in confidence.  but ultimately, I know that all that matters is living for you.  help me, holy spirit, to live according to your direction.  help me to not be self-conscious but help me to be completely confident in who you've made me to be, so that I can do all that you've called me to do.  I love you, Lord. 
Jesus, you are so good.  thank you for giving yourself over for me, for us all.  thank you for taking the punishment.  Praise be to GOD!  Praise to JESUS!  the Lamb that was Slain for us!  that m=we might be redeemed!  you. are .so. great.  so great.  I can hardly believe that you could be so Good.  yet you are.  Jesus, the Son of God, actually died for us.  such a marvelous savior.  thank you!!  thank you so much!!  may my life please you, Jesus.  may I be as you are.  lead me there, Holy Spirit.  I love you. 
praise and honor be to my Lord Jesus Christ.  AMEN!

before church

To the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit

greetings!  how are you today?  do you have days that are better or worse than others?  or is each day better?  but i suppose you don't really have "days" in which there could be better or worse ones.  i feel as though there must not be "better" or "worse", per-say, but an overall feeling of perfection that cannot get better or worse.  is that right?  haha, i won't know for sure until i get to heaven, too.  guide my thoughts and actions today, Holy Spirit.  may what i do make you happy.  glory to you, Amen 

1-25-14

God,
Bryce has died.  how is it up in there in heaven with her?  she is with you, isn't she?  oh god, you are so merciful and mighty.  I have no doubt of your protection over her.  she is in a better place now, and I cannot wait to see her again.  what is she saying about her new pain-free existence?  how is she glorifying you this very moment?  I can't wait to do so myself.  are the dead out of time?  or will I see her soon myself?  will she hardly realize she's gone from us for long?  how does she behave in heaven?  is she more mature?  or is she the same playful, immature, fun girl she was?  does she still love dragons, fantasy, etc. as she used to, or does that somehow change in heaven?  are there books in heaven that she can read?  is she an author in heaven??  or a singer?  are all of her desires for love fulfilled I know that they are.  you fulfill them in a way no boy she sought for could.  is she eagerly awaiting the arrival of her parents and sister?  or is she somehow oblivious to them?  oh God, Jesus, Lord of lords, Lamb of God, she's finished the race of life and is now in paradise.  isn't it I who should be jealous?  I, who has had an easy life, relatively pain-free and full of love and joy, anticipate the day that I can join her in your paradise.  oh God, but i'm afraid.  I cannot comprehend leaving this place I'm in right now.  this house... this family... - will my mom be my mom in heaven??  I can't imagine it being paradise without her being my mom!  haha, but I know that it will be.  you have everything perfectly planned, and I can't wait to see it revealed!  How perfect and majestic you are!!!  I can hardly believe that you love us enough to prepare a place for us!!  O, How lovely is your dwelling place!  o Lord Almighty, that my soul longs, and even faints for you!  I will be there sooner than I expect, and I am afraid.  afraid of the unknown, but excited to see your face.  afraid I won't have accomplished enough for you.  but I know that you do not save based on works.  how can you do that?  if I have nothing but trust and faith in you, i'll be saved.  if I do nothing but believe but that's not right.  faith (belief) in you is dead without works.  I must trust your Holy Spirit's proddings and do as you wish me to.  I have faith in you, God.  help me, prepare me for doing your will when the time comes for drastic action.  many Christians often say that we have to take action for you... but what if we never feel called to?  they say that we need to do big things for you and leave everything we have and move to Africa (well, maybe not everyone says that, but it's the implied message of many).  but what if we're never called to that?  are there some people you never call to do big things, but, rather, it's the culmination of the little things they do that make up something great?  may I be ready for your call, Lord.  or for the lack there-of.  my soul longs to do something great for you, such as move to Africa and adopt 13 kids (like your servant from Kisses for Kate).  but what if i'm exactly where you want me?  am I?  Lord, my flesh fears change; it fears drastic action and moving out of its comfort-zone.  yet, you will call me to go out of my comfort-zone.  right now i'm in school.  is this where you want me?  how can I be completely ready to drop everything if you call me to do so?  I don't feel that calling pressing on my heart, but if it does come, give me strength!  it will take a lot of opposition by my parents (and wallet!) if I do so, but I am to "hate" my parents in comparison to my love for you.  and may money never, NEVER, sway my decisions.  God, Jesus, may I be open to whatever you call me to do.  you are infinitely wise.  I trust you, Jesus, with my life.  I have no idea where it is going to lead me; I have no idea what troubles will come my way; but I do know that you know.  you know what my life is going to look like.  you know what i'm going to do and how i'm going to die.  you know everything.  lead me.  holy spirit, enter me!  may I never forget that I am not saved by works (the law), but by faith (faith that trusts); also that my faith (faith that believes) must be proven through my works (obedience to you).

O my God!  my Lord, Jesus Christ!  by you may I live; to you be my life.  Glory, praise, and honor to Jesus,  Amen.

1/24/14

Dear God,
you are so merciful and mighty, Lord.  thank you for all of your blessings.  thanks for helping me do so well in my new testament class, and help me to continue doing well.  thank you for your holy spirit, oh God.  what a wonderful blessing and gift.  THANK you that I get to go home today!!  you are so marvelous, Lord!  I love you.  you're sososososososo good.
Lord, forgive me for not always taking you seriously.  help me to realize how serious my faith in you is.  i'm sorry for all of the selfish things I did and said yesterday.  help me to continue to grow in my faith and trust in you, that I may recognize the twitchings of your Spirit and do what is right in you.  help me to no longer do it in accordance to the law, but because just because I love you so much. 
King of kings and Lord of lords, you are amazing.  wonderful counselor, thank you for the bible you have given us.  thank you for giving us your word so that we can learn more about you.  you are so Great.
Lord, I pray for all of my friends here to have a good day and to do well in their classes.  I specifically lift up Sarah young and Olivia.  help them today to walk in you.  help sarah's confidence to grow.  she's such a wonderful girl, and she has so blessed me.  Lord, bless her in all she does today.  help her to do perfect on the quizzes in class today, and help her to grow in her faith in you.  she's having so much trouble not being boy-crazy with all of the girls around her.  help her to realize that it's you who matters.  help her to get so wrapped up in you, that guys don't even matter in that way anymore -- until the right one comes and sweeps her off her feet!  haha, Lord, please just give her your peace on that subject.  be with Olivia, too.  help her to do well in her computers class today, and help her to grow in her faith in you.  help her to make more friends and to have a good day today.  please keep both of these girls safe and HEalthy in this flu season! 
Lord, help me today to walk by you.  give me your spirit.  enter me and lead me in the way of righteousness.  thank you for saving me by your precious blood, Jesus Christ.  may that news never become old news to me.  great are you, Lord.  equip me with strength and the Spirit to avoid temptation.  I pray for spring semester, God.  help me through it.  I trust you, Lord.  if this is where you want me to be, you'll help me through these classes.  and I know that if I make it through without going crazy and also getting good grades, then it's all because of you, and to you be the glory.  teach me how to give you the glory.
to you be the honor and glory and praise forever!  Amen