So I want to begin a daily routine of writing down something God has taught me throughout the day. We'll see how long this lasts, but it's worth a shot!
Recently I've felt as though I'm in a bit of a funk. Probably because I'm on my period, but putting that aside, I'm not feeling "connected" to the girls around me... the whole "lost in a crowed" type of thing. But just a few days ago, I felt as though I was on top of the world relationship-wise. I felt love for all the people around me and displayed it to them. I felt social and vivacious. now i'm feeling quite the opposite. (writing this out makes it even clearer that it's mood-swings and menstrual-cycle related, but that doesn't make the feeling go away, and God is still teaching me through it.)
One thing that i've felt burdened on my heart this past week involves the girls on my floor. the fact that we won't be living together anymore in just a few months finally hit home, and i've been scrambling trying to build up the relationships that began last semester, but stalled there. i've especially wanted to build up my relationship with hennessy. she is such a strong woman of God, and she is so uplifting. but she seems to be going through a sort of "funk" herself, and isn't interested in building up our relationship, even though she always had been (at least before her spring break missions trip). for instance, tonight i was bored and lonely, so i went to her room. she had her three closest friends (including my cousin!) in her room and i plopped on the couch. but they just didn't seem interested in talking to me (besides my wonderful cousin, Andrea) and just talked about aspects of their lives that i'm not apart of (as in boys and crushes that i don't know about and don't feel close enough to ask about). this is totally understandable, but it made me feel more lonely and awkward, so i ended up leaving. but you know what, God was teaching me something. while i was still in their room, Lily walked up to talk. they didn't really include her, but i didn't either! me and lily were clearly the odd ones out, but instead of talking to lily, i kept trying to enter into hennessy and friends' world. i failed to recognize that they have their friends. not that that doesn't mean they dont want to be my friend, but they have a strong core group and they don't particularly need my investment. lily and heather have been slower in the making of friends. but i know they long for more friends, especially lily. and i need to be there for her.
God showed me today that part of my mission on earth is to befriend the lonely. to talk to those who dont have anyone. to make myself present and available for the least of these. at school, this means the men and women who aren't "cool". who aren't eloquent with their words or good at making friends. this means the people who don't experience love and acceptance by any particular crowds. this is something i understood as important back in high school, but i seem to have forgotten over the course of college. i've gotten into my own friend groups, which made me forget that loneliness is one of the worst feelings you can experience as a human. God has given me a taste of it, and i long to spread love and acceptance to those who are still experiencing it daily. for instance, the nursing home across the street. can you imagine sitting in a nursing home all day with very few people to talk to? God has called me to reach out to these lonely old men and women, these widows and widowers. He has called me to comfort them in their last days. and who knows, maybe He's also called them to pour into me and teach me a little about Himself, too. God has put it all into place: now He's waiting to see if I'll make the next move.
Friday, March 27, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Oh dearest father, thank you for friends like hope. thank you for giving me her to talk to and process throug what you are and have been teaching me. thank you so much!! you are so wonderful in giving us community to grow in and to keep from getting too caught up in ourselves. if i didnt have others to talk to about You, then i know i would become self-concerned and bigoted. i wouldnt care for others ideas, just my own. yet, in all your grace and mercy, you extend to us a community in which we can trhive.! lord, please help hope as she processes through what she's learned in india. lord, what a trip. what a tranatizing shock to see such poverty. of my lord, please lead hope in the way you wish her to go. help her to be able to unpack her mental baggage with her friends, and help her friends (including myself) to know how to help her. give us ears to listen and a tongue of peace and love. help us to get over any selfish ideas of gain and minister to her in the way she needs us to. lord, i pray for guidance in my own life. lead me in your way, my lord! i don't know where you want me... at sau, or at another school, or doing something different! what i do know is i feel antsy. i need to do something more for you... but what is it? what do you desire of me, oh god, my lord Jesus christ? please lead me in that. give me the strength to overcome the battles, the temptation of laziness. great are you lord. (also, please help haley on the exam she's working on. give her knowledge and the ability to recollect everything she studied. thank you for helping me on my exam. we love you.) lord, i praise you for what you have taught us all in speech class. thank you for giving me those people to grow with. help us to continue to grow together, if such relationships are profitable for your kingdom. lord, help me to love others. to make them feel special when i see them. lord, sometimes just a loving pat or smile or hello can be so special. i know this because i've experienced it from other people doing that to me. lord, help me to be willing to put myself out there and smile, say hello lovingly, and give them a gentle squeeze. and not just to some people, but to all. lord i pray for danielle. she... needs you, oh lord. use me as much as i can be in her life. i offer myself to you, jesus, as a vessel. use my life to impact hers, as i feel you drawing me to her. oh, how i long for her to feel love and undeniable acceptance. father, she isnt easy for any of us to get along with, so i pray for patience. strengthen me under your Spirit. that i may have a true and pure of heart love for her. she needs it jsut as much as i need it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
1.6.15 (Future Husband?)
God, I don't know if I ever want to get married. Actually, I think I do. I think... I want to get married. Someday. But Father, I look at your calling, that we should leave all of our possessions behind for you and sacrifice relationships if need be, but how hard that would be as a married woman! Right now it's so easy to say that I'll give all my extra money to you after I graduate. It's easy to say I'll be a giving person, sacrificing the American "good-life" to live inexpensively in a small house so that I can give more to help the poor. It's so easy to say now, but I know it'll be harder to do when that day comes. A LOT harder. And having a husband and family will only make it harder. But I am a woman. And as a woman, I desire relationship and love and attention from a man -- special attention. But I want to live entirely for YOU! Oh Jesus... precious Jesus, MY Jesus...
God, You can do anything. You can work through anything. You are a merciful wonderful God who listens to the prayers of His people. Thus, I want to lift up this request to You, Lord. I don't know what's best for me. I have no idea. Infinitely wise Father, lead me in the path You know would be best for Your glory, for Your purpose. You fulfill me in a way no husband ever could. (Continue to fill me more that way.) Lord, if Your plan for my life is that of singleness, I gladly accept that. As Paul said, You can use me in many unique ways as a single woman. However, if this is Your plan, I pray for support. Lord, surround me during my singleness (whether it ends in marriage or not) with Your Family. Father, I ask for friends that can fulfill the need for deep, intentional relationship. I know that You have already given me that for this stage in my life. I have unbelievable friends who I can rely on forever. For as long as I stay single, I beg of you, provide relationships that will hold me up in Your will. Relationships that will support and push me to be a better Christian every day. I trust in You, oh Jesus, for you Yourself found support and encouragement in a body of friends and brothers. I ask for similar support, my God. I am not extraordinarily good at making friends fast, so I pray all the more for Your divine assistance.
But, God, if a special man ever does enter my life, I pray that he is of a character that is more in love with You than he is with me. God, these things I request, for I know You are a faithful God who hears our prayers.
A man who:
1. Loves You more than me
2. Cares for the poor and is willing to make sacrifices to follow our calling to help them
3. Loves me and can put up with my selfish, prideful ways, but at the same time can patiently help keep me accountable and to grow out of them.
4. Is willing to walk and grow in our faith together
5. Is bold enough to invite a stranger into our home (for Your glory, of course)
6. Loves to laugh
7. Loves people
8. I can be comfortable with
9. Isn't struggling with all the same things I am, so he can be an example for me to follow
10. Loves my personality more than my body (or hair :P)
To the glory of the Father; the honor forever to the Son; in all wisdom of the Spirit; Amen.
God, You can do anything. You can work through anything. You are a merciful wonderful God who listens to the prayers of His people. Thus, I want to lift up this request to You, Lord. I don't know what's best for me. I have no idea. Infinitely wise Father, lead me in the path You know would be best for Your glory, for Your purpose. You fulfill me in a way no husband ever could. (Continue to fill me more that way.) Lord, if Your plan for my life is that of singleness, I gladly accept that. As Paul said, You can use me in many unique ways as a single woman. However, if this is Your plan, I pray for support. Lord, surround me during my singleness (whether it ends in marriage or not) with Your Family. Father, I ask for friends that can fulfill the need for deep, intentional relationship. I know that You have already given me that for this stage in my life. I have unbelievable friends who I can rely on forever. For as long as I stay single, I beg of you, provide relationships that will hold me up in Your will. Relationships that will support and push me to be a better Christian every day. I trust in You, oh Jesus, for you Yourself found support and encouragement in a body of friends and brothers. I ask for similar support, my God. I am not extraordinarily good at making friends fast, so I pray all the more for Your divine assistance.
But, God, if a special man ever does enter my life, I pray that he is of a character that is more in love with You than he is with me. God, these things I request, for I know You are a faithful God who hears our prayers.
A man who:
1. Loves You more than me
2. Cares for the poor and is willing to make sacrifices to follow our calling to help them
3. Loves me and can put up with my selfish, prideful ways, but at the same time can patiently help keep me accountable and to grow out of them.
4. Is willing to walk and grow in our faith together
5. Is bold enough to invite a stranger into our home (for Your glory, of course)
6. Loves to laugh
7. Loves people
8. I can be comfortable with
9. Isn't struggling with all the same things I am, so he can be an example for me to follow
10. Loves my personality more than my body (or hair :P)
To the glory of the Father; the honor forever to the Son; in all wisdom of the Spirit; Amen.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
11/9/14
Oh my Father, the things you've been teaching me! I'm here to write them down so I don't forget your wonders and the lessons you teach your servant. may i never forget them and may they never leave my heart.
sienna, i'm talking to you and the presence of god.
remember the summer of 2014? when you worked at sbc? that lonely, somewhat miserable time? yeah, it made you pretty cynical with all the disappointment that came out of it. you went in thinking you were going to find a community of friends and possibly (although you wouldn't admit it) a man. you thought you were going to have the time of your life at camp! being a counselor was going to be the most fun job youd ever had and even on the rough days, it would be okay because your fellow counselors would cheer you on! ...that didn't happen, did it? you sorta made friends, but not until the end of the summer. you felt like an outsider the entire time and you weren't yourself. the worst part? you couldnt even blame it entirely on the other counselors because, while they were clique-y, they were all great people who loved others. it was your own fault. you didnt get to know them well because you didnt open up. you were quiet and shy. you werent yourself. then the camps werent nearly as great as you imagined. it turns out, having ten little girls under your care for a week is pretty exhausting! you didn't like to be exhausted. But one good thing came out of camp: your relationship with God flourished. you connected with him through the beauty of your natural surroundings as well as your loneliness. it helped you to love your campers, even when they were little devils.
This was God's first crushing of your idols.
You may not remember, but the semester after camp, you entered college with perhaps your hardest semester ever waiting for you. Genetics and organic. for the first time, you weren't getting A's in every test or quiz. no 100%. at first you attributed this to not studying enough (which was, at least partially, true) because you weren't as motivated to study as the year before. but then the 3rd organic exam came up: this time, you were determined to get a 100%. you were going to cream that exam. so you studied your buns off! every day you studied, and you know the material front and back. you understood that stuff! the exam comes and you feel confident. some of the questions are (dare you say it?) easy! you felt completely on top of things. your explanations, while not incredibly detailed, explained what was going on and you felt real confident on all the answers. you hand it in with a smile on your face. Then the grade comes back. ...86...86%? seriously? and because he curves it, you know someone got a 100%, but that someone was not you.
You pretty much lost it at that point. all your efforts were for naught. your looking at a solid B, hopefully B+, in the class. and there's nothing more you can do about it. you pretty much cried all day about it and got into a serious funk. like border-line depression.
This was God's second crushing of your idols.
Sienna, after a day of misery, which was yesterday for me, you realized your danger of falling into cynicism. you were afraid, because camp had already made you into a bit of a cynic with all its disappointments, and that wasn't someone you wanted to be. so you, though somewhat reluctantly, opened your bible and began to read about Jesus. and you know what? he responded. that hour you were transformed. it was subtle -- no flashing lights or cozy feelings -- just the realization that, while everything in life offers you disappointment, Jesus is the one ROCK on which there IS NO disappointment! for the first time, this really clicked with you. you read in John about Jesus loving us as his flock of sheep and laying his life down for the flock, and you were touched. deeply. and for the first time, you let go of school and friends. was it your doing? absolutely not! it was just so natural; as i read Jesus' words and prayed, it just happened. there was no self-will in the process, it was all God.
Praise be to the Lord God Almighty!
sienna, i'm talking to you and the presence of god.
remember the summer of 2014? when you worked at sbc? that lonely, somewhat miserable time? yeah, it made you pretty cynical with all the disappointment that came out of it. you went in thinking you were going to find a community of friends and possibly (although you wouldn't admit it) a man. you thought you were going to have the time of your life at camp! being a counselor was going to be the most fun job youd ever had and even on the rough days, it would be okay because your fellow counselors would cheer you on! ...that didn't happen, did it? you sorta made friends, but not until the end of the summer. you felt like an outsider the entire time and you weren't yourself. the worst part? you couldnt even blame it entirely on the other counselors because, while they were clique-y, they were all great people who loved others. it was your own fault. you didnt get to know them well because you didnt open up. you were quiet and shy. you werent yourself. then the camps werent nearly as great as you imagined. it turns out, having ten little girls under your care for a week is pretty exhausting! you didn't like to be exhausted. But one good thing came out of camp: your relationship with God flourished. you connected with him through the beauty of your natural surroundings as well as your loneliness. it helped you to love your campers, even when they were little devils.
This was God's first crushing of your idols.
You may not remember, but the semester after camp, you entered college with perhaps your hardest semester ever waiting for you. Genetics and organic. for the first time, you weren't getting A's in every test or quiz. no 100%. at first you attributed this to not studying enough (which was, at least partially, true) because you weren't as motivated to study as the year before. but then the 3rd organic exam came up: this time, you were determined to get a 100%. you were going to cream that exam. so you studied your buns off! every day you studied, and you know the material front and back. you understood that stuff! the exam comes and you feel confident. some of the questions are (dare you say it?) easy! you felt completely on top of things. your explanations, while not incredibly detailed, explained what was going on and you felt real confident on all the answers. you hand it in with a smile on your face. Then the grade comes back. ...86...86%? seriously? and because he curves it, you know someone got a 100%, but that someone was not you.
You pretty much lost it at that point. all your efforts were for naught. your looking at a solid B, hopefully B+, in the class. and there's nothing more you can do about it. you pretty much cried all day about it and got into a serious funk. like border-line depression.
This was God's second crushing of your idols.
Sienna, after a day of misery, which was yesterday for me, you realized your danger of falling into cynicism. you were afraid, because camp had already made you into a bit of a cynic with all its disappointments, and that wasn't someone you wanted to be. so you, though somewhat reluctantly, opened your bible and began to read about Jesus. and you know what? he responded. that hour you were transformed. it was subtle -- no flashing lights or cozy feelings -- just the realization that, while everything in life offers you disappointment, Jesus is the one ROCK on which there IS NO disappointment! for the first time, this really clicked with you. you read in John about Jesus loving us as his flock of sheep and laying his life down for the flock, and you were touched. deeply. and for the first time, you let go of school and friends. was it your doing? absolutely not! it was just so natural; as i read Jesus' words and prayed, it just happened. there was no self-will in the process, it was all God.
Praise be to the Lord God Almighty!
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
7/1/14
Dear Father,
Thank you for such a beautiful day. thank you for the cooler weather and the sunshine. you really do make all things good. you are the God of Corrie ten boom and the God who saved them mfrom the prison camps and the hands of men. it was of no power -- not the power of the Nazis or of the women or any other living or made thing -- besides Yours. What wonderful love you must have if you love more than betsie! oh Father, I admire the love and faithfulness of such a woman. guide me as you lead her to love as you do, forgive as you do, and trust you completely. what a wonderful Lord you are, the only true God and the One who holds all power, on earth and in heaven. Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory because of your lovingkindness, because of your truth (Ps. 115:1).
Father, I ask for your help. next week I'll have another group of campers, whether new or old, overnight or day camp. Lord, I cannot lead them in your way. I cannot. May YOU lead them through me, o God. dwell within me that the girls (and boys) may get a glimpse of your love shining out of me. give me strength next week. prepare me now so that i can better service the boys and girls. give me YOUr love for each and every one of my campers, for next week and for the rest of the summer. lead me, and may all that I do point to you in glory.
Father, I also want to pray for my floor this upcoming school year. I found out my cousin is on it!! thank you, God! i'm so excited! be with us in our relationship; help it to grow and blossom into something wonderful in Your eyes. Lord, give me strength as the SLA on the floor. be with me and help keep my spirits up and encourage me in the Spirit. be with me and Haley. Lord, not us, but may you bind the girls of our floor together in unity. May we remember that we cannot do anything by human strength. it must be you who draws us together (and others to us). Keep us humble in remembrance that You have the power. May I love those girls as You love them.
Father, bless all the girls i had in my cabin last week -- Sydney, Madeline, Hailey, Grace, Erin, Abby, and Ellie. be with them Lord and use their experiences at camp for your glory, whether it's an experience they had with me or not. keep them, Llord. please show them their need for a savior and grow them in relationship with you. thank you for giving them to me last week. what a wonder and joy they were. thank you for forming such beautiful creatures. you are truly an amazing, wonderful God.
Thank you for such a beautiful day. thank you for the cooler weather and the sunshine. you really do make all things good. you are the God of Corrie ten boom and the God who saved them mfrom the prison camps and the hands of men. it was of no power -- not the power of the Nazis or of the women or any other living or made thing -- besides Yours. What wonderful love you must have if you love more than betsie! oh Father, I admire the love and faithfulness of such a woman. guide me as you lead her to love as you do, forgive as you do, and trust you completely. what a wonderful Lord you are, the only true God and the One who holds all power, on earth and in heaven. Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to your name be the glory because of your lovingkindness, because of your truth (Ps. 115:1).
Father, I ask for your help. next week I'll have another group of campers, whether new or old, overnight or day camp. Lord, I cannot lead them in your way. I cannot. May YOU lead them through me, o God. dwell within me that the girls (and boys) may get a glimpse of your love shining out of me. give me strength next week. prepare me now so that i can better service the boys and girls. give me YOUr love for each and every one of my campers, for next week and for the rest of the summer. lead me, and may all that I do point to you in glory.
Father, I also want to pray for my floor this upcoming school year. I found out my cousin is on it!! thank you, God! i'm so excited! be with us in our relationship; help it to grow and blossom into something wonderful in Your eyes. Lord, give me strength as the SLA on the floor. be with me and help keep my spirits up and encourage me in the Spirit. be with me and Haley. Lord, not us, but may you bind the girls of our floor together in unity. May we remember that we cannot do anything by human strength. it must be you who draws us together (and others to us). Keep us humble in remembrance that You have the power. May I love those girls as You love them.
Father, bless all the girls i had in my cabin last week -- Sydney, Madeline, Hailey, Grace, Erin, Abby, and Ellie. be with them Lord and use their experiences at camp for your glory, whether it's an experience they had with me or not. keep them, Llord. please show them their need for a savior and grow them in relationship with you. thank you for giving them to me last week. what a wonder and joy they were. thank you for forming such beautiful creatures. you are truly an amazing, wonderful God.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
5.15.14
Dear God,
Thank you for making everything good. You are so great and high above me. i cry and whine about everything. even when you are answering my prayers! i truly believe that being sent home from school early with the chicken pox was, in a way, a blessing from you. I prayed for help on my final exams, that i would be able to focus and do well, and i think your answer WAS sending me home early. i know you had a purpose in there for Haley, too. help her through these next 24 hours. help her to study really well and use her time efficiently so that she can do the best she possibly can on the chem and stats finals. help kelly with her finals, too. keep them from distracting one another too much, and help them to maximize on their time left at school. i love them, Lord. help me to love them and everyone else in the same way YOU love them. thank you for the 100% me and Haley got on the lab evaluation final! I would not be here at all if not for you. thank you for the gift of LEARNING. Thank you that i can learn and thank you for blessing me with a love of learning. i cannot take it for granted knowing all the people who hate it and/or are incapable of learning. Lord, forgive me for all the sins i have committed against your name. help me to recognize the extent of your mercy and how great a gift it really is. having grown up in the church, i really take for granted all that you've done because i'm so used to hearing about it. i'm sorry for that. i'm trying to change. i can only imagine how frustrating it would be if the creation you made was so incapable of understanding your great power and mercy, even those who are instructed in it since birth. if we can't even understand (and we may even be the worst at understanding) how merciful and forgiving you are, then how can you even stand us? yet that is something that displays your glory even more. we are so so sos sosososososo selfish. all we care about is "being a nice person" and obeying the rules and looking good, when all we should care about is obeying and honoring you. Spirit, guide me in all I do. i'm so stubborn. part of me constantly resists you, Lord, whether its because i'm rebelling against the church and modern Christianity's view of you, or because i don't want to believe it's you. God, the pop-christianity is not for me.
Lord, how do i pray? i feel like all i do is demand things from you. my whole prayer revolves around ME, and that can't be how it's supposed to be. lead me in the everlasting way. i love you, Lord. to YOU be the power, glory, and honor forever and ever. take it from me that it may be placed onto YOU. Amen.
Thank you for making everything good. You are so great and high above me. i cry and whine about everything. even when you are answering my prayers! i truly believe that being sent home from school early with the chicken pox was, in a way, a blessing from you. I prayed for help on my final exams, that i would be able to focus and do well, and i think your answer WAS sending me home early. i know you had a purpose in there for Haley, too. help her through these next 24 hours. help her to study really well and use her time efficiently so that she can do the best she possibly can on the chem and stats finals. help kelly with her finals, too. keep them from distracting one another too much, and help them to maximize on their time left at school. i love them, Lord. help me to love them and everyone else in the same way YOU love them. thank you for the 100% me and Haley got on the lab evaluation final! I would not be here at all if not for you. thank you for the gift of LEARNING. Thank you that i can learn and thank you for blessing me with a love of learning. i cannot take it for granted knowing all the people who hate it and/or are incapable of learning. Lord, forgive me for all the sins i have committed against your name. help me to recognize the extent of your mercy and how great a gift it really is. having grown up in the church, i really take for granted all that you've done because i'm so used to hearing about it. i'm sorry for that. i'm trying to change. i can only imagine how frustrating it would be if the creation you made was so incapable of understanding your great power and mercy, even those who are instructed in it since birth. if we can't even understand (and we may even be the worst at understanding) how merciful and forgiving you are, then how can you even stand us? yet that is something that displays your glory even more. we are so so sos sosososososo selfish. all we care about is "being a nice person" and obeying the rules and looking good, when all we should care about is obeying and honoring you. Spirit, guide me in all I do. i'm so stubborn. part of me constantly resists you, Lord, whether its because i'm rebelling against the church and modern Christianity's view of you, or because i don't want to believe it's you. God, the pop-christianity is not for me.
Lord, how do i pray? i feel like all i do is demand things from you. my whole prayer revolves around ME, and that can't be how it's supposed to be. lead me in the everlasting way. i love you, Lord. to YOU be the power, glory, and honor forever and ever. take it from me that it may be placed onto YOU. Amen.
Monday, April 7, 2014
To my sweet Jesus, Savior in heaven.
Jesus, what wisdom and might you possess. what strength and nobility. someday we shall see you face-tp-face, and i pray that you continue your work in us, the church, your body and bride. oh Jesus, lead your servant. let me her follow you. keep her from the evil one, from the temptations that push at her every day. oh, it is so easy for her to remember your greatness during a sermon or song, but day-to-day and second-by-second presents a challenge that is immensely hard to overcome. remind your servants daily. hourly and by the second. Jesus, there is none like you. thepower and glory be to your name. you must increase, your servant must decrease.
John 12:26
"If anyone serves Me, he must follow me; and where I go, My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him."
Saturday, March 29, 2014
March 29, 2014
Dear God,
1 John 1:6-7
"If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we are liars and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin."
God, i feel so rebellious towards you right now. there is a hatred in my heart for you. i despise your name and your decrees. i rebel against your word intentionally. i am a shame to those you call your own. i am a worm and a maggot, unworthy of your calling. unworthy of your love. this seed of hatred permeates my being and i cringe at the thought of praying to you. what has become of me? oh god, i who once loved your name and your will, i who once wisehd to be just like you, am now a horrible being who rejects your voice and your commands. i rebell against obedience. i am no longer wishing to follow your every ordinance. i am selfish. look away from my sin, Lord. bring me back. oh, my humanity rebels against such a wish! But i ask to be brought back to you. i am no better than a maggot. i am a maggot. i claim to be such a good christian; i pray before every meal and i do my devotions, yet i do none of these. oh forgive me, Father!! how can i fix myself? how can this be made new? only through you, oh Jesus. help me. help me. help. i want to follow you. i know you are there. i know ou are real. i know i need you. but i don't want to obey you. but i do want to want to. oh God. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry for being this way. i wish i weren't. i don't know what to do but to ask for your help and forgiveness. i can feel that underlying despise of you within me. i don't know where it came from or how to get rid of it. i can't do it myself.
i am of the world. i have not let it go. i don't want to let it go. but i want to want to let it go. i still strive for human acceptance. my drive to love more is to be loved back. my drive to be a kinder person is to be loved by more people. not to be nearer to You, but to be nearer to others. i want more clothes. i want more earthly belongings. God, very little of my desire for you is purely because You are God and Creator of all things. very little of my desire for you, Jesus, is out of love for what you have done. very little. Oh i'm sorry! i'm sorry for being this way! and i know that it will be incredibly difficult for me to remember this! i will want to forget that my main desire for you is to gain social acceptance, to get your help so i can be smarter, happier, confident, wise, loving, and be loved. i will want to forget that i am called to love You for your forgiveness, for creating me, for loving me, for DYING for me, for doing almost anything for me. I'm sorry for my rebellion, Lord. Bring me back. don't let me forget. don't let me, please. help me to love You Jesus in the most pure and innocent way. help me, God, to better reflect You. help me to set aside my earthly desires. help me to die to myself. as many times as i need to. oh God, i need to die to myself. show me how to die to myself. be gentle with me -- if that's possible.
Lord, I pray for Haley. oh what a gift you have given me! she is more than i deserve, Father. help her to grow in her love for you. keep her love pure and innocent, Lord. keep her strong in the faith. strengthen her love and wisdom and faith daily. grow her in you. speak to her through your word and through daily reminders of You. Jesus, bless her. bless her till death, and keep her beside you so that when that day comes, she may join you in paradise to praise and love you to a greater extent than we can while we're still on earth. Be also with Kelly, God. grow her in the Spirit and bless her and all she does. Lead us all. take us by the hand and lead us. keep our love for you pure.
1 John 1:6-7
"If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we are liars and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin."
God, i feel so rebellious towards you right now. there is a hatred in my heart for you. i despise your name and your decrees. i rebel against your word intentionally. i am a shame to those you call your own. i am a worm and a maggot, unworthy of your calling. unworthy of your love. this seed of hatred permeates my being and i cringe at the thought of praying to you. what has become of me? oh god, i who once loved your name and your will, i who once wisehd to be just like you, am now a horrible being who rejects your voice and your commands. i rebell against obedience. i am no longer wishing to follow your every ordinance. i am selfish. look away from my sin, Lord. bring me back. oh, my humanity rebels against such a wish! But i ask to be brought back to you. i am no better than a maggot. i am a maggot. i claim to be such a good christian; i pray before every meal and i do my devotions, yet i do none of these. oh forgive me, Father!! how can i fix myself? how can this be made new? only through you, oh Jesus. help me. help me. help. i want to follow you. i know you are there. i know ou are real. i know i need you. but i don't want to obey you. but i do want to want to. oh God. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry for being this way. i wish i weren't. i don't know what to do but to ask for your help and forgiveness. i can feel that underlying despise of you within me. i don't know where it came from or how to get rid of it. i can't do it myself.
i am of the world. i have not let it go. i don't want to let it go. but i want to want to let it go. i still strive for human acceptance. my drive to love more is to be loved back. my drive to be a kinder person is to be loved by more people. not to be nearer to You, but to be nearer to others. i want more clothes. i want more earthly belongings. God, very little of my desire for you is purely because You are God and Creator of all things. very little of my desire for you, Jesus, is out of love for what you have done. very little. Oh i'm sorry! i'm sorry for being this way! and i know that it will be incredibly difficult for me to remember this! i will want to forget that my main desire for you is to gain social acceptance, to get your help so i can be smarter, happier, confident, wise, loving, and be loved. i will want to forget that i am called to love You for your forgiveness, for creating me, for loving me, for DYING for me, for doing almost anything for me. I'm sorry for my rebellion, Lord. Bring me back. don't let me forget. don't let me, please. help me to love You Jesus in the most pure and innocent way. help me, God, to better reflect You. help me to set aside my earthly desires. help me to die to myself. as many times as i need to. oh God, i need to die to myself. show me how to die to myself. be gentle with me -- if that's possible.
Lord, I pray for Haley. oh what a gift you have given me! she is more than i deserve, Father. help her to grow in her love for you. keep her love pure and innocent, Lord. keep her strong in the faith. strengthen her love and wisdom and faith daily. grow her in you. speak to her through your word and through daily reminders of You. Jesus, bless her. bless her till death, and keep her beside you so that when that day comes, she may join you in paradise to praise and love you to a greater extent than we can while we're still on earth. Be also with Kelly, God. grow her in the Spirit and bless her and all she does. Lead us all. take us by the hand and lead us. keep our love for you pure.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
3.2.14
Dear God,
Again I'm here about boys. I don't know what i'm feeling. i've come to grips with the fact that M is over it (I think I have, anyway), but i feel as though i'm in a weird place where i want his attention back, but at the same time i dont. i feel insignificant again -- unattractive. i've lost some of the confidence i had during the time M was interested in me. i dont feel as loved by you anymore, which i know is ridiculous because it isn't your love that changes, but mine. you are so consistent. how marvelous you are, Lord! teach me how great and consistent your love is! help me to need no one but you! help me to get over this little slump and love you (and others) more as a result! I'm so selfish. help.
Lord, be with haley in her studies. she is studying right now, and i pray that you help it to all make sense to her. bless her with understanding and memory. please be with Kelly, too, Jesus. her luck is so bad! haha, it seems like if anything can go wrong, it does go wrong with her. please be with her and show her how trustworthy you are. keep her sane and help her in her studies.
I love you Lord. please help us to realize your love for us. to yo be power, glory, and honor. AMEN
Again I'm here about boys. I don't know what i'm feeling. i've come to grips with the fact that M is over it (I think I have, anyway), but i feel as though i'm in a weird place where i want his attention back, but at the same time i dont. i feel insignificant again -- unattractive. i've lost some of the confidence i had during the time M was interested in me. i dont feel as loved by you anymore, which i know is ridiculous because it isn't your love that changes, but mine. you are so consistent. how marvelous you are, Lord! teach me how great and consistent your love is! help me to need no one but you! help me to get over this little slump and love you (and others) more as a result! I'm so selfish. help.
Lord, be with haley in her studies. she is studying right now, and i pray that you help it to all make sense to her. bless her with understanding and memory. please be with Kelly, too, Jesus. her luck is so bad! haha, it seems like if anything can go wrong, it does go wrong with her. please be with her and show her how trustworthy you are. keep her sane and help her in her studies.
I love you Lord. please help us to realize your love for us. to yo be power, glory, and honor. AMEN
Friday, February 28, 2014
Dear God,
being a girl is so confusing. i don't suppose my feelings about the whole M situation will stay consistent any time soon, because i have been reeling left and right about it since the day he messaged me. Just please help me to remember that your love is greater! that it IS consistent, and please help me to at least know that. help me to know and feel it in my heart of hearts, in the depths of my soul, and to know and revere it so intimately (if that makes sense) that i need nothing else to sustain me. fill me with Living Water, oh Jesus. Jesus, ih how i love you. equip me with your love and JOY, and send me out into your world to spread it wherever i am. I love you Lord. Amen.
being a girl is so confusing. i don't suppose my feelings about the whole M situation will stay consistent any time soon, because i have been reeling left and right about it since the day he messaged me. Just please help me to remember that your love is greater! that it IS consistent, and please help me to at least know that. help me to know and feel it in my heart of hearts, in the depths of my soul, and to know and revere it so intimately (if that makes sense) that i need nothing else to sustain me. fill me with Living Water, oh Jesus. Jesus, ih how i love you. equip me with your love and JOY, and send me out into your world to spread it wherever i am. I love you Lord. Amen.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
2.27.14 #2
Dear God,
thank you for Hope's advice. thank you that i didn't get into anything with M, cause he's already moved on to another girl! i mean, good for him, but if he's just looking for a girlfriend, i don't want to be part of it. thank you. and thank you for building me up in you so that when that news came to me, i was completely fine with it. but Lord, i feel weird, as though i'm getting too involved by praying for it, but i'm worried that if those two do get in a relationship, it won't be healthy. God, ok, i admit, the only thing i've heard is gossip. i'm sorry, maybe i shouldn't have listened, but if what they say is true, then this girl is coming out of a bad relationship. maybe you've planned this for them, so that she can find a good guy and he can find someone who needs him (haha, obviously i'm not that person, although you used him in my life in a remarkable way). i ask you to help them in whatever relationship comes out of that. help them to both grow in you through this, and even if it doesn't work out, help them both to come out better. if their relationship grows and becomes marriage, i ask for you to bless their relationship. God, you have brought and taken him from my life in so quick a time, but i thank you. thank you!! he made me feel special (even though i doubt he'll ever realize it) and grew my confidence and, most importantly, my love and relationship with you!! So God, I pray blessing over him. and this girl, too. please help me to come out of this time of confusion over him with ease and grace. God, you are SO GOOD! so good.
Lord, I pray for Sarah. she is such a great friend. help her to grow in confidence, just as you have grown me in mine. be with her and keep her safe. thank you for helping her get into wellspring and for giving her such a great team!! oh, she'll have so much fun. it's so great. blow her mind with your awesomeness this semester and summer. help her to realize that you are all that matters. thank you for getting us in the same NT class and thus becoming prayer/bible reading buddies. bless her in all she does, oh Jesus.
Thank you again, Jesus, for loving me the way you do!! you are so awesome. thank you for everything. to you belongs all the power and glory, Jesus. Amen.
thank you for Hope's advice. thank you that i didn't get into anything with M, cause he's already moved on to another girl! i mean, good for him, but if he's just looking for a girlfriend, i don't want to be part of it. thank you. and thank you for building me up in you so that when that news came to me, i was completely fine with it. but Lord, i feel weird, as though i'm getting too involved by praying for it, but i'm worried that if those two do get in a relationship, it won't be healthy. God, ok, i admit, the only thing i've heard is gossip. i'm sorry, maybe i shouldn't have listened, but if what they say is true, then this girl is coming out of a bad relationship. maybe you've planned this for them, so that she can find a good guy and he can find someone who needs him (haha, obviously i'm not that person, although you used him in my life in a remarkable way). i ask you to help them in whatever relationship comes out of that. help them to both grow in you through this, and even if it doesn't work out, help them both to come out better. if their relationship grows and becomes marriage, i ask for you to bless their relationship. God, you have brought and taken him from my life in so quick a time, but i thank you. thank you!! he made me feel special (even though i doubt he'll ever realize it) and grew my confidence and, most importantly, my love and relationship with you!! So God, I pray blessing over him. and this girl, too. please help me to come out of this time of confusion over him with ease and grace. God, you are SO GOOD! so good.
Lord, I pray for Sarah. she is such a great friend. help her to grow in confidence, just as you have grown me in mine. be with her and keep her safe. thank you for helping her get into wellspring and for giving her such a great team!! oh, she'll have so much fun. it's so great. blow her mind with your awesomeness this semester and summer. help her to realize that you are all that matters. thank you for getting us in the same NT class and thus becoming prayer/bible reading buddies. bless her in all she does, oh Jesus.
Thank you again, Jesus, for loving me the way you do!! you are so awesome. thank you for everything. to you belongs all the power and glory, Jesus. Amen.
2.27.14
back-story: okay, today is thursday, so two sundays ago, a guy (we'll call him M) on campus friended and messaged me on fb. he basically just said that he thought my hair was wonderful, mentioning that he hoped he wasn't being creepy by saying so. when i got his message, i sorta flipped out a little, not sure if i was happy or disgusted to receive the message. at that time, i think i was mainly just weirded out. like, why would someone tell ME that? I never get attention from boys, so what is this guy up to? does he just do this to every girl? is he just a weirdo or is he just being nice? he messaged me 2 more times last week; it the first, he just seemed to be trying to recruit people to come to some event, and the second was an accidental message that was supposed to go to his dad. throughout this whole time, my emotions were going crazy! i initially had a little ego-boost high, like "wow, someone actually might think i'm attractive!" but then it crashed and i ended up crying out to God about how no guy found me attractive in any way and that i was a miserable wreck of a girl. man, M could've had no idea the turmoil he'd put me through just by one message. haha. anyway, he finally messaged me again last friday asking if i wanted to hang out or play pool with him sometime. i kinda flipped out. i did NOT want to go out with a guy i never talked to before, and i was WAY weirded out at this point. so i went to my RA about it, and she wrote up a message that basically said "hey, that's really nice of you, but i'm not looking for a relationship. thanks anyway." except a little nicer. but then he responded really nicely and said he just thought i seemed like a cool person, that he wasn't talking about a date, and he was sorry if i was creeped out. i told him i'd be fine being friends, but no more than that.
So, since then, i've been noticing that he's different than i thought. he actually seems pretty cool and like he's a solid guy. this week has been even MORE confusing than last. i've been up in the air wondering whether i DO want a boyfriend, or i DONT want a boyfriend, and it's just been kinda crazy. I noticed that i didn't want to lose this guy's attention or his attraction to me. not many guys seem to find me attractive, so it was something that made me feel uber special and pretty. but then i realized that this guy's "love" would never be like Jesus' love. M's attraction to me is going to fade away. it is. he isn't going to keep pursuing me (heck, i did tell him not to) and he's going to get completely over me and find another girl who he likes way more than he ever would me. BUT, Jesus will always love me. he loves me more than M ever could, and he'll love me WAYY longer than M ever will. only Jesus can fill that need for love in my life. This whole process has shown me that i am nooott ready for a relationship with a guy, but that my relationship with Jesus should be strong enough to compensate for the love of all the guys on the earth.
Dear God, thank you for putting me through all that. i love seeing how you answer my prayers. even though i have come to grips (with your help) with the fact that M's attention will leave, you have taught me so ooo much. i am more confident in myself now. i am more confident in YOU. and my love for you and others has grown so much. only by your spirit was this possible, Lord. you work wonders out of the most ordinary, small things, like a guy's crush. thank you. thank you for helping me walk out of this gracefully, instead of nose diving into a potential relationship with a guy i don't even know. without you, i may have said yes to that date (even if he didn't call it that). thank you for giving me great girls to help me through, and a fantastic Bible to read to help me remember that your love is enough. you're so great. God, I pray for M. I really do feel bad that he has to feel this rejection from me. it's a really horrible feeling -- i certainly know that. please help him to grow stronger in his faith in You through this as well. help him to come out of it in a deeper relationship with you and a greater capacity to love and cherish. help him to find a great girl who will fulfill the role of companionship, even if it's not me. be with him. sort out those confused feelings he may be having. give him friends to help. i know that i would not be NEARLY as clear headed about this as i am if it werent for my girl friends i had to talk to. THANK YOU for them, God. thankyouthankyouthankyou. i am so blessed. you are so great. help me to love others with a love that surpasses understanding. help me to love others as much/more than myself. equip me with your Spirit, God, that i may follow you in obedience today. let me feel your love, so that I can show it to others. let me feel your love now, so that on those days in the future when i don't, i'll still know it's there. help me to grow in you so that i don't need the feelings to know you're there and to obey your Spirit. equip me today with your love and care for others. equip me with your Spirit. and to you be the glory, power, and praise in my life and in all the world. AMEN
So, since then, i've been noticing that he's different than i thought. he actually seems pretty cool and like he's a solid guy. this week has been even MORE confusing than last. i've been up in the air wondering whether i DO want a boyfriend, or i DONT want a boyfriend, and it's just been kinda crazy. I noticed that i didn't want to lose this guy's attention or his attraction to me. not many guys seem to find me attractive, so it was something that made me feel uber special and pretty. but then i realized that this guy's "love" would never be like Jesus' love. M's attraction to me is going to fade away. it is. he isn't going to keep pursuing me (heck, i did tell him not to) and he's going to get completely over me and find another girl who he likes way more than he ever would me. BUT, Jesus will always love me. he loves me more than M ever could, and he'll love me WAYY longer than M ever will. only Jesus can fill that need for love in my life. This whole process has shown me that i am nooott ready for a relationship with a guy, but that my relationship with Jesus should be strong enough to compensate for the love of all the guys on the earth.
Dear God, thank you for putting me through all that. i love seeing how you answer my prayers. even though i have come to grips (with your help) with the fact that M's attention will leave, you have taught me so ooo much. i am more confident in myself now. i am more confident in YOU. and my love for you and others has grown so much. only by your spirit was this possible, Lord. you work wonders out of the most ordinary, small things, like a guy's crush. thank you. thank you for helping me walk out of this gracefully, instead of nose diving into a potential relationship with a guy i don't even know. without you, i may have said yes to that date (even if he didn't call it that). thank you for giving me great girls to help me through, and a fantastic Bible to read to help me remember that your love is enough. you're so great. God, I pray for M. I really do feel bad that he has to feel this rejection from me. it's a really horrible feeling -- i certainly know that. please help him to grow stronger in his faith in You through this as well. help him to come out of it in a deeper relationship with you and a greater capacity to love and cherish. help him to find a great girl who will fulfill the role of companionship, even if it's not me. be with him. sort out those confused feelings he may be having. give him friends to help. i know that i would not be NEARLY as clear headed about this as i am if it werent for my girl friends i had to talk to. THANK YOU for them, God. thankyouthankyouthankyou. i am so blessed. you are so great. help me to love others with a love that surpasses understanding. help me to love others as much/more than myself. equip me with your Spirit, God, that i may follow you in obedience today. let me feel your love, so that I can show it to others. let me feel your love now, so that on those days in the future when i don't, i'll still know it's there. help me to grow in you so that i don't need the feelings to know you're there and to obey your Spirit. equip me today with your love and care for others. equip me with your Spirit. and to you be the glory, power, and praise in my life and in all the world. AMEN
Saturday, February 15, 2014
2.15.14
Dear Father,
great is your faithfulness. Oh Lord, thank you for being here fore me. for years i prayed for friends, and you have given them to me here. thank you for them. bless Sarah today; help her to live every day for you and strengthen her trust and faith in you. be with her and her wellspring group; help them to grow in community together and to have a great impact for you on the kids they play for. give her inner peace, Jesus, about classes and herself. help her to truly grow in her confidence and help her to learn not to over-think things; remind her that you've got her back! Help her to continue working out, and thank you that she is physically able to work out and that her body runs so well. please help her to learn not to judge others so much. thank you so much, God, for guiding her to wellspring! praise be to you; you have given her such a wonderful talent.
Jesus, help me. i don't know why, but i just don't like to pray. help me to enjoy it again. help me to keep doing it, cause i know that if i just stop, it's not going to be good. i love you, Lord. send me your Spirit today, and help me to recognize His voice. Equip me with humility and Spiritual wisdom and, most of all, love. May I love others as you love me, Jesus! all the praise, glory, and honor in my life and in everything else, be to you, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Amen.
great is your faithfulness. Oh Lord, thank you for being here fore me. for years i prayed for friends, and you have given them to me here. thank you for them. bless Sarah today; help her to live every day for you and strengthen her trust and faith in you. be with her and her wellspring group; help them to grow in community together and to have a great impact for you on the kids they play for. give her inner peace, Jesus, about classes and herself. help her to truly grow in her confidence and help her to learn not to over-think things; remind her that you've got her back! Help her to continue working out, and thank you that she is physically able to work out and that her body runs so well. please help her to learn not to judge others so much. thank you so much, God, for guiding her to wellspring! praise be to you; you have given her such a wonderful talent.
Jesus, help me. i don't know why, but i just don't like to pray. help me to enjoy it again. help me to keep doing it, cause i know that if i just stop, it's not going to be good. i love you, Lord. send me your Spirit today, and help me to recognize His voice. Equip me with humility and Spiritual wisdom and, most of all, love. May I love others as you love me, Jesus! all the praise, glory, and honor in my life and in everything else, be to you, Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Amen.
Monday, February 10, 2014
2.10.14
Dear Father,
Thank you for all of the blessings you have given me. I know I say that a lot, but you have so truly blessed me in every way. you have given me a brain that learns, a family that loves, faithful friends, food for every meal (and between), clothes to stay warm, happiness, joy, and so many lovely and wonderful things. Lord, I live a life of excess. i really don't need a lot of the stuff i have. you have blessed me beyond compare. all the little hiccups i've had in my life pale in comparison to those of others. yet who am i to have been so blessed? i have on deserving of it. i, who sins constantly, who rebels against your Spirit daily, who is self-indulgent, selfish, mean -cruel, even - earthly, and horrible. you have chosen to bless me? oh Lord, your ways are mysterious. great and awesome are you, Jesus. you choose no favorites. we are all one and the same in you. great and forgiving and merciful are you, Father, to pour blessing on one such as I. i know it has nothing to do with my importance or my grace, but it is your grace and generosity. how am i to repay you for it all? look, even this whole paragraph has been circling around me.
Let's try glorifying you, Lord, for what you have done outside of me:
You, oh God, made the heavens and the earth. you made the daily beauty that surrounds humankind daily. you have made it so intricate, so detailed, so wondrous that the simplest cell is enormously complex. the people of this earth has only just begun discovering cells and microscopic organisms and tissues, but they have been awe-stricken for thousands and thousands of years at the macroscopic aspects of your creation. your mountains, your valleys, your trees and stars and flowers... your people. we have been made so perfectly. we have been made to work without needing to think about it. Lord, it shows us just how helpless we are. the vital, physical parts of our existence are not even controlled by us. we don't tell our heart to start beating or our brain to keep working. you have designed us so that we don't even have to think about it, it just happens. how amazing is that?
Hallelujah!
praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights. praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts. praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars. praise him, highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens.let them praise the name of Yahweh, for he commanded, and they were created. Ps. 148:1-5
Equip me with your Spirit, Lord, as I walk with you today.
Thank you for all of the blessings you have given me. I know I say that a lot, but you have so truly blessed me in every way. you have given me a brain that learns, a family that loves, faithful friends, food for every meal (and between), clothes to stay warm, happiness, joy, and so many lovely and wonderful things. Lord, I live a life of excess. i really don't need a lot of the stuff i have. you have blessed me beyond compare. all the little hiccups i've had in my life pale in comparison to those of others. yet who am i to have been so blessed? i have on deserving of it. i, who sins constantly, who rebels against your Spirit daily, who is self-indulgent, selfish, mean -cruel, even - earthly, and horrible. you have chosen to bless me? oh Lord, your ways are mysterious. great and awesome are you, Jesus. you choose no favorites. we are all one and the same in you. great and forgiving and merciful are you, Father, to pour blessing on one such as I. i know it has nothing to do with my importance or my grace, but it is your grace and generosity. how am i to repay you for it all? look, even this whole paragraph has been circling around me.
Let's try glorifying you, Lord, for what you have done outside of me:
You, oh God, made the heavens and the earth. you made the daily beauty that surrounds humankind daily. you have made it so intricate, so detailed, so wondrous that the simplest cell is enormously complex. the people of this earth has only just begun discovering cells and microscopic organisms and tissues, but they have been awe-stricken for thousands and thousands of years at the macroscopic aspects of your creation. your mountains, your valleys, your trees and stars and flowers... your people. we have been made so perfectly. we have been made to work without needing to think about it. Lord, it shows us just how helpless we are. the vital, physical parts of our existence are not even controlled by us. we don't tell our heart to start beating or our brain to keep working. you have designed us so that we don't even have to think about it, it just happens. how amazing is that?
Hallelujah!
praise the Lord from the heavens; praise him in the heights. praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts. praise him, sun and moon; praise him, all you shining stars. praise him, highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens.let them praise the name of Yahweh, for he commanded, and they were created. Ps. 148:1-5
Equip me with your Spirit, Lord, as I walk with you today.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
2.5.14
Dear God,
thank you for Kelly. we've been talking a lot about you and heaven and other related topics lately, which is something i've always wanted to be able to do with my friends. she challenges my ideas, which forces me to think it through more thoroughly than i would otherwise. thank you for that. praise you, God, my classes went so well yesterday! thank you for helping me with my words during panel, and please help me to get better at the "um" game. I'm sooo bad! haha. praise you, God, for helping me to feel more motivated to study for my science classes; please help the inspiration to only get stronger, and help my enthusiasm for the subject to grow. help poor haley with her spanish class. help it to get easier for her and her classmates; be with them and help it to catch on in their minds. send your Spirit down on me today, Lord Jesus. guide me throughout today, and help me to live every moment for you. guide me to places where i can help grow others in their faith; use me in your plan for the expansion of your kingdom. be with me this semester as i encounter situations in which i am forced out of my comfort zone. may i lean on you the entire time and grow in faith. praise be to you, Father; all the glory to you. Amen.
thank you for Kelly. we've been talking a lot about you and heaven and other related topics lately, which is something i've always wanted to be able to do with my friends. she challenges my ideas, which forces me to think it through more thoroughly than i would otherwise. thank you for that. praise you, God, my classes went so well yesterday! thank you for helping me with my words during panel, and please help me to get better at the "um" game. I'm sooo bad! haha. praise you, God, for helping me to feel more motivated to study for my science classes; please help the inspiration to only get stronger, and help my enthusiasm for the subject to grow. help poor haley with her spanish class. help it to get easier for her and her classmates; be with them and help it to catch on in their minds. send your Spirit down on me today, Lord Jesus. guide me throughout today, and help me to live every moment for you. guide me to places where i can help grow others in their faith; use me in your plan for the expansion of your kingdom. be with me this semester as i encounter situations in which i am forced out of my comfort zone. may i lean on you the entire time and grow in faith. praise be to you, Father; all the glory to you. Amen.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
2.2.14
O Lord,
you have so blessed me. thank you for giving me my roommate. she's incredible, and i don't know what i'd do without her! really, i don't. you have blessed me beyond compare.thank you for supplying food for me every day. i take it all for granted, but so many people around the world don't have it every day. ...i can't imagine. oh Lord, sometimes i just want to give all i have to the poor... then other times i'm too selfish. Jesus, help me. you are the master at caring for others. how can i care for others like you? o, but i'm so selfish! help me to care for others as much as (or more than) i do myself! oh Lord. remind me that i'm saved by grace and faith, not works. you have blessed me with so much; please, bless me again with faith and love. send me your holy Spirit, that i may learn to be obedient to you and submissive.
also be with Sarah Y. today. help her to grow in confidence and faith, Lord.
to Jesus Christ be the glory, honor, and praise forever. amen.
you have so blessed me. thank you for giving me my roommate. she's incredible, and i don't know what i'd do without her! really, i don't. you have blessed me beyond compare.thank you for supplying food for me every day. i take it all for granted, but so many people around the world don't have it every day. ...i can't imagine. oh Lord, sometimes i just want to give all i have to the poor... then other times i'm too selfish. Jesus, help me. you are the master at caring for others. how can i care for others like you? o, but i'm so selfish! help me to care for others as much as (or more than) i do myself! oh Lord. remind me that i'm saved by grace and faith, not works. you have blessed me with so much; please, bless me again with faith and love. send me your holy Spirit, that i may learn to be obedient to you and submissive.
also be with Sarah Y. today. help her to grow in confidence and faith, Lord.
to Jesus Christ be the glory, honor, and praise forever. amen.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
1.2.14
Dear God,
thank you for helping to make my first days of this semester so good. I think i'm going to like my professors; they are such great men/women of your heart!! thank you for putting them into my life, and help me to form relationships with them all. praise me to your name, oh God, you have called me back. forgive me for straying from you this past week. I've been a bit of a mess, but I want to come back. You are high and mighty, great and glorious, Lord. Jesus, thank you for all you've done. may it never become "old news" to me!! Oh God, descend your Holy Spirit on me again. lead me today and show me what's right and what is wrong. to you be the glory in all the good things I do.
oh Jesus, thank you for Sarah. she's such a great friend to have, and she is so blessed because of you. oh Lord, praise be to you, you have given her a gift, and she's been given the chance to use it for you! thank you for helping her to make it onto Wellspring. help her to be calm and confident in her abilities and in YOU. help her to make friends with her co-workers early, help her nerves, and help her to grow into the leadership position with grace and humility. please bless that group of people; keep them all safe this summer, and help there to be good group dynamics between them -- and if any relationships form, please keep it from making the rest of them feel awkward. Thank you, also Lord, that she has such a great floor! and core, too. praise be to you, you have helped her get into a great group of girls who all love you and love Sarah. although, Lord, she wants to make some new guy friends. help the other guy-friendships she has to strengthen, and help her to make more if she really needs them. You know best, God, and it may be that she does have plenty of guy friends, she just hasn't taken the time to look around her and see them. give her contentment in the relationships she has, and help her circle of friends (though it doesn't have to be close friends) to gradually widen. Oh God, she had so much trouble with her roommate last semester, but look at this one that you've provided now!! thank you for giving her Ashley. she's soooo great, and truly a gift from you. be with Daylin at home, and help her to find a great group of friends there -- if she hasn't already. bless -- oh, bless! -- her, God. she has had quite an amount of trials in her life, yet she's such a sweet, kind girl. bless everything she does, Jesus. help sarah in her other relationships -- namely with Hannah. please help them to either reconcile or come to some sort of closure. you know what's best for them (I certainly don't!), and please help them to work everything out; whether it restores or officially ends the relationship. I, of course, pray for restoration, but Hannah... you still give us free will, and I don't know if she'll let that happen. But you are still God, and you can greatly influence the situation. help them to at least get to the friendly "hello" place. and God, be with Sarah this semester. help her to do great in her classes and learn a ton and make good relationships with her classmates and professors. help her to stay on top of her Bible reading, and keep her growing in her relationship with you. she doesn't know what's wrong with her shoulder, but please help everything to be okay and help the pain to go away, or help her to figure out what's wrong somehow. Oh Lord, help her confidence to grow! she's such a great girl, and please show her that there is no reason for her to be self-conscious. help her to realize that the way you made her is fantastic, and she should just be herself. give her patience with herself and others; diligence in her classes; and to embrace her personality. finally, God, thank you that Sarah got to come to SAU, and that Marisa was able to visit last weekend. Sarah has been such a blessing to me since I've been here, and she said that Marisa really seemed to figure some things out about you and herself while she was here. thank you, God, for your infinite blessings. you are soooooo great and awe-inspiring.
to you be the glory, praise, and honor forever and ever, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!
thank you for helping to make my first days of this semester so good. I think i'm going to like my professors; they are such great men/women of your heart!! thank you for putting them into my life, and help me to form relationships with them all. praise me to your name, oh God, you have called me back. forgive me for straying from you this past week. I've been a bit of a mess, but I want to come back. You are high and mighty, great and glorious, Lord. Jesus, thank you for all you've done. may it never become "old news" to me!! Oh God, descend your Holy Spirit on me again. lead me today and show me what's right and what is wrong. to you be the glory in all the good things I do.
oh Jesus, thank you for Sarah. she's such a great friend to have, and she is so blessed because of you. oh Lord, praise be to you, you have given her a gift, and she's been given the chance to use it for you! thank you for helping her to make it onto Wellspring. help her to be calm and confident in her abilities and in YOU. help her to make friends with her co-workers early, help her nerves, and help her to grow into the leadership position with grace and humility. please bless that group of people; keep them all safe this summer, and help there to be good group dynamics between them -- and if any relationships form, please keep it from making the rest of them feel awkward. Thank you, also Lord, that she has such a great floor! and core, too. praise be to you, you have helped her get into a great group of girls who all love you and love Sarah. although, Lord, she wants to make some new guy friends. help the other guy-friendships she has to strengthen, and help her to make more if she really needs them. You know best, God, and it may be that she does have plenty of guy friends, she just hasn't taken the time to look around her and see them. give her contentment in the relationships she has, and help her circle of friends (though it doesn't have to be close friends) to gradually widen. Oh God, she had so much trouble with her roommate last semester, but look at this one that you've provided now!! thank you for giving her Ashley. she's soooo great, and truly a gift from you. be with Daylin at home, and help her to find a great group of friends there -- if she hasn't already. bless -- oh, bless! -- her, God. she has had quite an amount of trials in her life, yet she's such a sweet, kind girl. bless everything she does, Jesus. help sarah in her other relationships -- namely with Hannah. please help them to either reconcile or come to some sort of closure. you know what's best for them (I certainly don't!), and please help them to work everything out; whether it restores or officially ends the relationship. I, of course, pray for restoration, but Hannah... you still give us free will, and I don't know if she'll let that happen. But you are still God, and you can greatly influence the situation. help them to at least get to the friendly "hello" place. and God, be with Sarah this semester. help her to do great in her classes and learn a ton and make good relationships with her classmates and professors. help her to stay on top of her Bible reading, and keep her growing in her relationship with you. she doesn't know what's wrong with her shoulder, but please help everything to be okay and help the pain to go away, or help her to figure out what's wrong somehow. Oh Lord, help her confidence to grow! she's such a great girl, and please show her that there is no reason for her to be self-conscious. help her to realize that the way you made her is fantastic, and she should just be herself. give her patience with herself and others; diligence in her classes; and to embrace her personality. finally, God, thank you that Sarah got to come to SAU, and that Marisa was able to visit last weekend. Sarah has been such a blessing to me since I've been here, and she said that Marisa really seemed to figure some things out about you and herself while she was here. thank you, God, for your infinite blessings. you are soooooo great and awe-inspiring.
to you be the glory, praise, and honor forever and ever, Lord Jesus Christ. Amen!
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
1/29/14 (Day before Spring Semester)
oh dear God,
tomorrow is the first day of spring semester. I am gonna die. i'm so nervous, God. I feel like i'm gonna fail! but i know you're here with me. God, please reassure me and HELP ME! I can't do it without you. ESPECIALLY chemistry and botany. Lord, i have sosososososos many labs. i don't know how i'm going to find the time to do homework!! please help me to maximize the time i do have and study efficiently and effectively. Oh Lord, help me please. i know i complained about people thinking i'm smarter than i really am, but i was being so foolish. Lord, I'm just thankful that you made me so successful last semester. i'm upset that they're giving ME the glory. You deserve it allll. oh Jesus, faithful savvior. great are you. help me to remember that you are greater than all. even when i'm lonely and afraid, you are there. you are more than enough for me. Jesus, help me through this semester. i'm holding on to you. there's no way i can do it on my own. not with this schedule. Jesus,walk with me. may i walk with you? will you lead me in your path? we always ask you to come with us, but Lord, we should be asking if we can go with you! Holy Spirit, please guide me. i am unworthy of you, Jesus, yet you invite me in anyway. build my trust in you through this semester. heck, if i make it through tomorrow, then my trust in you will be greater!
God, i'm afraid to go to my chem lab tomorrow. i don't know who will want to be my lab partner. i'm afraid someone i can't count on will, or that no one will! please guide me (and the other person) to find a lab partner who i will work well with and learn a lot with. help me to be a good lab partner to whoever you chose. help us to build each other up and learn through each other. help me and my partner to learn how to be good chemists.
And Jesus, be with me during my EDU140 class. help it to go really well. help me to bond with the other students (same with my chem lab!!) and to grow lasting relationships. help me to form a good relationship with my professor, too. may i help him learn how to teach better, and may you use me to fit the needs of the other students, as well. use me, God, in the lives of the fellow students (and staff) here.
finally, God, i want to mention Katie's Bible study lesson today. God, I really am discontented with myself. i take everything you've given me -- my body, my mind, my personality and relationships -- totally for granted. help me to be content with everything you've placed in my life -- even myself. teach me to just enjoy what i have and not care too much about what others have. i often covet other personalities, and not only is it sinful, but it's harmful to me and wrong. it's like a slap in your face, and i'm sorry, God. forgive me and help me to enjoy how you've made me.
to you be the glory and honor forever, Lord Jesus. AMen.
tomorrow is the first day of spring semester. I am gonna die. i'm so nervous, God. I feel like i'm gonna fail! but i know you're here with me. God, please reassure me and HELP ME! I can't do it without you. ESPECIALLY chemistry and botany. Lord, i have sosososososos many labs. i don't know how i'm going to find the time to do homework!! please help me to maximize the time i do have and study efficiently and effectively. Oh Lord, help me please. i know i complained about people thinking i'm smarter than i really am, but i was being so foolish. Lord, I'm just thankful that you made me so successful last semester. i'm upset that they're giving ME the glory. You deserve it allll. oh Jesus, faithful savvior. great are you. help me to remember that you are greater than all. even when i'm lonely and afraid, you are there. you are more than enough for me. Jesus, help me through this semester. i'm holding on to you. there's no way i can do it on my own. not with this schedule. Jesus,
God, i'm afraid to go to my chem lab tomorrow. i don't know who will want to be my lab partner. i'm afraid someone i can't count on will, or that no one will! please guide me (and the other person) to find a lab partner who i will work well with and learn a lot with. help me to be a good lab partner to whoever you chose. help us to build each other up and learn through each other. help me and my partner to learn how to be good chemists.
And Jesus, be with me during my EDU140 class. help it to go really well. help me to bond with the other students (same with my chem lab!!) and to grow lasting relationships. help me to form a good relationship with my professor, too. may i help him learn how to teach better, and may you use me to fit the needs of the other students, as well. use me, God, in the lives of the fellow students (and staff) here.
finally, God, i want to mention Katie's Bible study lesson today. God, I really am discontented with myself. i take everything you've given me -- my body, my mind, my personality and relationships -- totally for granted. help me to be content with everything you've placed in my life -- even myself. teach me to just enjoy what i have and not care too much about what others have. i often covet other personalities, and not only is it sinful, but it's harmful to me and wrong. it's like a slap in your face, and i'm sorry, God. forgive me and help me to enjoy how you've made me.
to you be the glory and honor forever, Lord Jesus. AMen.
God, help me to get over this "jealousy monster". half of me doesn't want to get over it, just get revenge. but I know that that wouldn't help, but just deepen the problem, hurt feelings, and make everything a lot worse. but God, ...........I need help!!!!! I am in trouble. there's something inside me that just doesn't want to forgive or forget what happened, and it really isn't that big of a deal, anyway, otherwise i'd just confront Haley and tell her. but I feel like I can't because it's kinda stupid. are my hormonal levels off-balance? cause I feel like that must be the problem. well, either way, help me to treat Haley and her sister (and Justine) as kindly as ever and to be the best friend I can be. enter me holy spirit and help me. I have been feeling enormously rebellious, so help me to get over that, too, God. HELP. SOS. my rebellion suffocates me.
Monday, January 27, 2014
1.27.14
dear God,
thank you for the blue sky. especially for the sun. your works are so beautiful! more beautiful that i could ever have done -- or anyone else. thank you for your help. thank you for giving us this world. it's so beautiful, God. If it's this gorgeous after the fall, i can't wait to see it when it's fully restored! great is your name, oh Father; majesty and glory belong to you. "Praise the Lord, all nations! glorify Him, all peoples! for His faithful love to us is great; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever. Hallelujah!" (ps. 117). your love endures forever.
Forgive me, God, for all of the times i've sinned against you. i'm sorry for being so selfish all the time. help me to think of others and your will before thoughts of myself even enter my head. forgive me for my vanity. and also for the times i call myself ugly. i'm sorry for all of the things i have done that are against you and are wrong.
Lord Jesus, Son of God, you died for me on the cross and were then raised up on the third day. How miraculous! how marvelous! that you, such a perfect, humble, kind Son of God would be killed in such a way as you were! yet we just throw it around. Jesus died on the cross -- His hands were pierced for our transgressions. but you did more than just die, and your hands weren't just pierced!! you were humiliated, spat on, hated, deserted, and tortured. And, while i don't know this for sure, you may have even entered hell for us! how? how could you be willing to do this? how were you so strong? if my dad asked me to do that, then i would cry because he didn't love me enough and say no! it just shows how much better than me you are, Jesus. WAY better. WAY more worthy of my life! you died so that i wouldn't have to. in my baptism, i dipped under the water, symbolizing the death of my sin, and came out into new life. you were literally killed. you supplied the death of my sin. how can you be so good!? oh Great God, Slaughtered Lamb of God, Lord of lords, King of kings, Jesus take my life. you deserve it.
God, keep comforting Bryce's family. what a hard time to go through. keep them in the knowledge that she's much happier now. help them to move on from this into a happier life, full of joy in the knowledge that they won't be separated from her for long. God, help us all during finals this week. help us to be well prepared and ready for the exam(s). I pray specifically for Sarah Y. help her to grow in a tight relationship with you and to thus stop caring what others think about her. grow her self-confidence and help her to adjust smoothly into this next semester. thank you, God, for giving her this chance with wellspring! help her to make close friendships through that, and help her to catch on quickly and enjoy it. Keep her safe and healthy as we end j-term and begin a new semester. I also lift up Olivia. Comfort her and her family in this recent passing of her grandpa. help her to finish off the semester strong and get into a good routine for next semester. keep her healthy and safe, oh Lord.
Oh Jesus, help me to get rid of this cold fast. please keep in from getting worse. give me energy, Holy Spirit, to work today for the glory of your name. i don't know if it's this oncoming cold, lack of vitamin D/C, or what, but i've been so tired lately! please help me to have energy today to have fun and do the work i need to. equip me with humility, Lord. i've found that this past week i've felt as though i'm better than other christians just because i know the bible really well from REL218. it's terrible, i know! forgive me, God, and help me with the Holy Spirit to know that i have no room to boast. it's foolish, since one of the things i know a lot about now is that we are saved through faith in Jesus so that we CANNOT BOAST! help! i'm a sinner who can hardly keep her pride at bay, even with realizations such as these! equip me, also, with tender love for others. help me to see the gifts you've given others, and to enjoy them for those gifts rather than be annoyed by their downfalls. as pastor bourke said once, we all have a couple of things we're good at, and we're terrible at everything else! that's why you made us for community, isn't it? so that we can fill and support the gaps. finally, Jesus, equip me with the Holy Spirit. fill me to the brim with your loving Power, and guide me throughout the day. forgive me for the resistance that i know will come from me. help me to knock down those sinful walls between You and me. may your Spirit guide me throughout this upcoming semester. help me to find good balance, Lord! help me and Haley to form a wider study group that will help us all to excel in our chemistry and botany classes. help me to help others, Lord. if i understand something that others don't, give me the words to explain it to them, so that they may understand it to the degree or even better than i do. help me in grasping concepts so that i can help others in this way. it would be great practice for when i become a teacher. :) i cannot thank you enough for the help you gave me last semester. a 4.0!! only YOU could have helped me accomplish that!! i don't expect it to stay around -- and I know it won't without your help -- but i do pray for help this semester. expand my (and Haley's) brain power for memorization and grasping concepts. be with us during lab times, too. i'm so worried for them. but i shouldn't be. you'll be right there with us. i pray for your guidance and peace during those classes. use this next semester to equip me for my future job -- whether it's teaching, something health related, or lab work, or anything else. To you be the praise, glory, and honor forever and ever!!!!!
AMEN!
thank you for the blue sky. especially for the sun. your works are so beautiful! more beautiful that i could ever have done -- or anyone else. thank you for your help. thank you for giving us this world. it's so beautiful, God. If it's this gorgeous after the fall, i can't wait to see it when it's fully restored! great is your name, oh Father; majesty and glory belong to you. "Praise the Lord, all nations! glorify Him, all peoples! for His faithful love to us is great; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever. Hallelujah!" (ps. 117). your love endures forever.
Forgive me, God, for all of the times i've sinned against you. i'm sorry for being so selfish all the time. help me to think of others and your will before thoughts of myself even enter my head. forgive me for my vanity. and also for the times i call myself ugly. i'm sorry for all of the things i have done that are against you and are wrong.
Lord Jesus, Son of God, you died for me on the cross and were then raised up on the third day. How miraculous! how marvelous! that you, such a perfect, humble, kind Son of God would be killed in such a way as you were! yet we just throw it around. Jesus died on the cross -- His hands were pierced for our transgressions. but you did more than just die, and your hands weren't just pierced!! you were humiliated, spat on, hated, deserted, and tortured. And, while i don't know this for sure, you may have even entered hell for us! how? how could you be willing to do this? how were you so strong? if my dad asked me to do that, then i would cry because he didn't love me enough and say no! it just shows how much better than me you are, Jesus. WAY better. WAY more worthy of my life! you died so that i wouldn't have to. in my baptism, i dipped under the water, symbolizing the death of my sin, and came out into new life. you were literally killed. you supplied the death of my sin. how can you be so good!? oh Great God, Slaughtered Lamb of God, Lord of lords, King of kings, Jesus take my life. you deserve it.
God, keep comforting Bryce's family. what a hard time to go through. keep them in the knowledge that she's much happier now. help them to move on from this into a happier life, full of joy in the knowledge that they won't be separated from her for long. God, help us all during finals this week. help us to be well prepared and ready for the exam(s). I pray specifically for Sarah Y. help her to grow in a tight relationship with you and to thus stop caring what others think about her. grow her self-confidence and help her to adjust smoothly into this next semester. thank you, God, for giving her this chance with wellspring! help her to make close friendships through that, and help her to catch on quickly and enjoy it. Keep her safe and healthy as we end j-term and begin a new semester. I also lift up Olivia. Comfort her and her family in this recent passing of her grandpa. help her to finish off the semester strong and get into a good routine for next semester. keep her healthy and safe, oh Lord.
Oh Jesus, help me to get rid of this cold fast. please keep in from getting worse. give me energy, Holy Spirit, to work today for the glory of your name. i don't know if it's this oncoming cold, lack of vitamin D/C, or what, but i've been so tired lately! please help me to have energy today to have fun and do the work i need to. equip me with humility, Lord. i've found that this past week i've felt as though i'm better than other christians just because i know the bible really well from REL218. it's terrible, i know! forgive me, God, and help me with the Holy Spirit to know that i have no room to boast. it's foolish, since one of the things i know a lot about now is that we are saved through faith in Jesus so that we CANNOT BOAST! help! i'm a sinner who can hardly keep her pride at bay, even with realizations such as these! equip me, also, with tender love for others. help me to see the gifts you've given others, and to enjoy them for those gifts rather than be annoyed by their downfalls. as pastor bourke said once, we all have a couple of things we're good at, and we're terrible at everything else! that's why you made us for community, isn't it? so that we can fill and support the gaps. finally, Jesus, equip me with the Holy Spirit. fill me to the brim with your loving Power, and guide me throughout the day. forgive me for the resistance that i know will come from me. help me to knock down those sinful walls between You and me. may your Spirit guide me throughout this upcoming semester. help me to find good balance, Lord! help me and Haley to form a wider study group that will help us all to excel in our chemistry and botany classes. help me to help others, Lord. if i understand something that others don't, give me the words to explain it to them, so that they may understand it to the degree or even better than i do. help me in grasping concepts so that i can help others in this way. it would be great practice for when i become a teacher. :) i cannot thank you enough for the help you gave me last semester. a 4.0!! only YOU could have helped me accomplish that!! i don't expect it to stay around -- and I know it won't without your help -- but i do pray for help this semester. expand my (and Haley's) brain power for memorization and grasping concepts. be with us during lab times, too. i'm so worried for them. but i shouldn't be. you'll be right there with us. i pray for your guidance and peace during those classes. use this next semester to equip me for my future job -- whether it's teaching, something health related, or lab work, or anything else. To you be the praise, glory, and honor forever and ever!!!!!
AMEN!
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